Friday, September 22, 2006

Menopause More Condition_symptoms Joint Problems Self-deception and I

nteresantes. To make matters worse the sky is overcast, and this time it depresses me so sad. And I'm tired, worried about the job, my future operation, how it is doing my life, my bad luck ... I know, I know, there are people who spend infinitely worse than me, I have many good things in my life, but it takes away my right to complain? No, and for that I started this blog, to vent.

I realized that the root of most of my problems is I do not know what I want. For many years I believed that my life was on track, my future was more or less clear. And suddenly, all that was for sure was gone, I was alone and had to pull ahead. At first is easy, the state of shock, pride and adrenalina do much for you to move, but in my case, now that time has passed, each step is heavier, the slab increasingly overwhelms me more.

I feel lonely but I do not know if someone at my side. I often say it's because I'm used to living alone, to do what I want, but I think I say to convince himself, to present to the world that facade of independent divorced woman, happy and carefree, which has a new life you love and feel comfortable with it. But the reason is different: I'm very insecure, I have a huge inferiority complex, and I doubt anyone will want to be with me as I know well. Perhaps it is a legacy of my marriage breakdown, if he knew me better than anyone, he would not follow my hand,

Saturday, September 2, 2006

Bone Cancer More Condition_symptoms Ankle Uk

There are days when you want not having gotten out of bed. But sometimes, there are years that you would give almost anything to be erased from your life.

2006 is one of them. Almost from the first minute of January 1, have not stopped bad things happen: some narcotics, some sad, some another bitch and really terrible things. I was told that only bad things could happen to seven in a row. By my calculations, and accidentally tread lightly, I thought to find my father so depressed around the holidays was the sixth. A part of me feared what could happen to me in the four months remaining, but wanted to rely on luck. Perhaps you miscounted, I said, and this is the seventh. Or the eighth. But no. Fate, casuality, Murphy, or whoever is in charge of these things did not want to give me time to react.

I do not know how to say, so I'll be direct: on Monday, when I went to make dinner, I found my father dead. I thought the last two years had some rough times, but nothing I had experienced so far can be compared to the guilt, the terror and emptiness of the minutes it took the ambulance to arrive, all alone in the house and accidentally believe what had happened. What was going on. Or choose pure surrealism reminders and details of the ceremony, because I ended up ordering everything. To loop the loop, died early Wednesday of the older sister of my father, and buried the same day, with littles hours apart. But there is a limit, your brain and your heart can only absorb so much pain, and when you reach that point, it is as if the rest give you the same ...

Now that it's over, I look back and I have confused memories of those days. I know that the last images of my father last a lifetime, but I hope that gradually blurring as you remember to think of it whole and happy, and it is in these situations when you realize who deserve to be by your side. I do not remember the faces of all the people who came to support us and your company, or the friends who called me to encourage me and offer to do anything. But what I remember most is that the chapel was crowded, not only those who came p